Everyone seems to be looking at how to build their credit. With all the advice on budgeting and responsible borrowing, we thought it could be interesting to have a look at the other side.
So if you’re tired of playing it safe, here’s some ways to destroy your credit and have some fun while doing so.
- Carry all plastic with you at all times; this includes credit cards, bank cards, phone cards, etc… If you can’t fit them all in your purse or wallet; use a hole punch, and hang them on your belt loop, or on a charm bracelet.
- Who ever said that you had to pay your bills on time? What good credit loser told you that.
- Start saving tomorrow; today is for buying!
- Start your own business or two; don’t worry about what you are going to be selling. Just spend a bunch of money on making the store itself look pretty cool. The money will follow.
- What is your credit limit? Who cares, you know they will actually let you go over these for a small fee of 15% or something like that. So don’t worry about it, just push it to the limit.
- Keep all of your important financial pin numbers on a clear, easy to read card that should be kept in your wallet at all times.
- If at the beginning of a new Bill paying month you have a little extra money that you don’t normally have; go on a huge shopping spree until you get down to your normal broke status.
- Buy when you’re sad… buy when you’re happy… buy when you’re hungry… but most of all, buy when you’re in debt. You can always pay for it later, and if you can’t; go bankrupt.
- Not only should you not pay your bills, but you should throw most of them away. Then it is not that you are not paying them on time, but instead losing them. Out of sight, out of mind. It certainly is not your responsibility to keep track of your financial situation.
- Co-sign cars for every homeless person that you can talk into it; which should be just about every one of them.
- While you’re at it, be a co-signer for someone, from that annoying nephew to the homeless people you see in your travels. Pay it forward and share the wealth.
- Give your credit card numbers to every stranger on the phone, whether they ask for it or not.
- If you have a 401 K, you should treat it as a checking account, and dip into it every chance you get. Don’t worry about those early dipping fees; you will gain it back if you ever win the lottery.
- Ever heard of high risk investments; well these need to become your middle name. If it ain’t risky, you shouldn’t be investing in it.
- If you own your home; don’t you think it’s about time that you sell and rent instead? Who wants to put money towards a tangible goal, when you can throw it haphazardly to the wind.
- Apply for every credit card offer you receive in the mail. If you receive one that you already have, see if you can get two. If they won’t let you have two, then close your existing account and transfer your debt to the new account. This ought to blow a mind or two in the process.
- If you have pets, apply for credit cards in their name too. (bonus tip)
- Take a cash advance from one credit card to pay off a zero balance credit card. Be sure to borrow extra with that advance and go out for dinner to celebrate. This has the added benefit of taking your credit utilization ratio.
- Take more cash advances and put the money into a high-yield savings account. Genius.
- Take out some student loans so you can register at some universities, so you have access to the best parties. It doesn’t matter what classes, you just need to be a student to get access.
- Transfer all your credit card balances to one card. Nevermind your credit utilization, this makes things easier with one payment. Also, don’t worry about too few types of credit, it’s only worth 10% of your FICO score anyway.
- Get lots of those cash back credit cards and it’s like printing money while spending.
- You should pull all traces of money out of your bank accounts, and start burying it around your yard. This way creditors will never know exactly where or if you have money; and neither will you for that matter.
- Never check your credit report, even though you get a free yearly report as stated by law. It is always better to go down the tubes with your head in the sand.
- Open up your own loan service, but instead of setting up monthly payment schedules, base your entire reimbursement on IOU notes written on IHOP napkins.
- Make it a point to get a divorce every three years. You would think that they would have a law permitting only so many of these by now; but they don’t.
- Pass out your social security number at bars, as if a phone number. Not only will it destroy your credit by the theft of your identity; but you won’t get any of those annoying phone calls from bad credit losers, such as yourself.
Some refer to this sort of behaviour as living beyond your means. Others might call it more of a lifestyle investment.
But if you are serious about keeping your credit score in good standing, pay your bills on time, don’t default on loans, and manage your credit utilization rate, to name a few ways to manage your finances more effectively. And if you think you’ll have trouble paying a bill, you should contact the lender right away to arrange a plan, before they report a late payment to the credit bureaus.
And there you have it, 20 plus ideas to pummel your good credit into a sad heap. So please if you will, go about your daily spending and worry not. As if it wasn’t obvious, but to those unsure, this piece is a satire and mostly the opposite of what you should be doing.
To be clear, this isn’t sound financial advice. It was created as a parody and more examples of what not to do. Always practice responsible borrowing and money habits, and maintaining your credit score so you have borrowing options available when you need them.